State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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