Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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