Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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