the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
