friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize