the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize