Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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