This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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