During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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