lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
