Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
