Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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