The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
