don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
