Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
