i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
