doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
