my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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