I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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