If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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