he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
