I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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