Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
