We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
be right there i have to get my cape
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
