theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
