Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
