fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
