i need an iv and a liver transplant
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
