so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
