Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize