On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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