Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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