Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
