And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
