Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
