Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
