I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
