You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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