I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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