census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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