Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
