So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
