that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
