my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need to sanitize my soul.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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