I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I supernannyed him into submission
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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