My brain says no but my pants say off.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
why is half of my head shaved?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize