I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
