I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
