Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
