quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
