I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
