If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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