there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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