I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
