I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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