Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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