I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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