just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
