He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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