I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
