Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
