her vagine was all disorganized.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fuck appropriateness.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
