I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
