Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
