He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize