Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
