Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
