They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
