The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
